Sunday, April 19, 2015

Friday, April 17, 2015

Idle Thoughts of one Wandering Mind

  I had amnesia once -- or twice.
      *****

  Protons have mass? I didn't even know they were Catholic.

      *****

  I am neither for nor against apathy.

      *****

  All I ask is a chance to prove that money can't make me happy.

      *****

  If the world were a logical place, men would be the ones who ride horses sidesaddle.

      *****

  What is a "free" gift? Aren't all gifts free?

      *****

  They told me I was gullible ....and I believed them.

      *****

  Teach a child to be polite and courteous in the home, and when he grows up, he'll never be able to merge his car onto the freeway.

      ******

  Experience is the thing you have left when everything else is gone.

      *****

  One nice thing about egotists ... they don't talk about other people.

      *****

  My weight is perfect for my height ... which varies.

      *****

  I used to be indecisive. Now, I'm not sure.

      *****

  The cost of living hasn't affected its popularity.

      *****

  How can there be self-help groups?

      *****

  Show me a man with both feet firmly on the ground, and I'll show you a man who can't get his pants off.

      *****

  Is it just me, or do buffalo wings taste like chicken?
HT:J

Friday, April 10, 2015

Two Ladies Talking in Heaven



Begin forwarded message:From: Date: April 9, 2015 10:44:38 AM EDTTo: <Undisclosed-Recipient:;>Subject: Fw: Two Ladies Talking in Heaven/ love it !



  


Two Ladies Talking in Heaven   

1st woman:     Hi! Wanda.

2nd woman:    Hi! Sylvia.  How'd you die?

1st woman:     I froze to death.

2nd woman:    How horrible!

1st woman:     It wasn't so bad. After I quit  shaking from the cold, I began to get warm & sleepy, and finally died a peaceful death...What about you?

2nd woman:    I died of a massive heart attack. I suspected that my husband was cheating, so I came home early to catch him in the act. But instead, I found him all by himself in the den watching TV.

1st woman:     So, what happened?

2nd woman:    I was so sure there was another woman there somewhere that I started running all over the house looking. I ran up into the attic and searched, and down into the basement.  Then I went through every closet and checked under all the beds.  I kept this up until I had looked everywhere, and finally I became so exhausted that I just keeled over with a heart attack and died.

1st woman:    Too bad you didn't look in the freezer---we'd both still be alive.  


PRICELESS


HT:A

Peter Kay Misheard Lyrics