Friday, December 19, 2014

An Irish Miracle

Murphy drops some buttered toast on the kitchen floor and it lands butter-side-up.He looks down in astonishment, for he knows that it's a law of nature of the universe that buttered toast always falls  butter-down. So he rushes round to the presbytery to fetch Father Flanagan.
He tells the priest that a miracle has occurred in his kitchen. But he won't say what it is, so he asks Fr. Flanagan to come and see it with his own eyes.
He leads Fr.Flanagan into the kitchen and asks him what he sees on the floor."Well," says the priest, "it's pretty obvious. Someone has dropped some buttered toast on the floor and then, for some reason, they flipped it over so that the butter was on top.""No, Father, I dropped it and it landed like that!" exclaimed Murphy"Oh my Lord," says Fr. Flanagan, "dropped toast never falls with the butter side up. It's a mir…. Wait... it's not for me to say it's a miracle. I'll have to report this matter to the Bishop and he'll have to deal with it. He'll send some people round; to interview you, take photos, etc."
A thorough investigation is conducted, not only by the archdiocese but by scientists sent over from the Curia in Rome. No expense is spared.There is great excitement in the town as everyone knows that a miracle will bring in much need tourism revenue.
Then, after 8 long weeks and with great fanfare, the Bishop announces the final ruling. "It is certain that some kind of an extraordinary event took place in Murphy's kitchen, quite outside the natural laws of the universe. Yet the Holy See must be very cautious before ruling a miracle. All other explanations must be ruled out. Unfortunately, in this case, it has been declared 'No Miracle' because they think that Murphy may have buttered the toast on the wrong side!"
HT:J via email

The Pearly Gates

Saint Peter is sitting at the Pearly Gates when two guys wearing dark hoodies, and sagging pants arrive.  St. Peter looked out through the Gates and said, "Wait here, I'll be right back." St. Peter goes to God's chambers and tells him who is waiting at the entrance. God says to Peter, "How many times do I have to tell you? You can't be judgmental here.  This is heaven. All are loved.  All are brothers. Go back and let them in!" St. Peter goes back to the Gates, looks around and lets out a heavy sigh.  He returns to God's chambers and says, "Well, they're gone." "The guys wearing hoodies?" asked God."No.  The Pearly Gates." 
HT:A via email

 

Tuesday, December 16, 2014

Obama issues 'executive orders by another name'

Obama issues 'executive orders by another name'President Obama has issued a form of executive action known as the presidential memorandum more often than any other president in history — using it to take unilateral action even as he has signed fewer executive orders. ...